Down to the woods
by Bittermoon
Summary: A woodcutter with 12 children decides to deal with his problem the traditional way...by abandoning them in the forest.
1. Let's lose the kids

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, lived a humble woodcutter in his forest cottage.

He made a modest living, with the odd one off coming from beanstalk removal, high tower finding, and evil witch's lair reconnaissance. Unfortunately, a modest living was nowhere near high enough to support his brood of 12 children. (It had seemed like a good idea at the time... although his wife had had slightly different feelings about it, which was possibly why she had run off with the baker). Soon he had to face the fact that he could no longer feed 12 hungry mouths, particularly with the half-crust of stale bread that was all the food remaining in the house.

He didn't know quite how it had gotten to the state of only having one stale crust of bread, particularly since he had specifically told his eldest daughter to flirt modestly with the butcher. Although she had come home the other day complaining that the butcher was a lecherous old goat.

But nevertheless, it was clear that more desperate measures had to be taken. He spent that night mentally reviewing the quirks and eccentricities of his children, trying to decide which two he loved the least.

In the end he decided that he would be better off without the children, and so proceeded to find some out of the way forest to ditch them in.

* * *

Hope you like it. There will be more! Please R&R, this is our first story.

-Bittermoon-


	2. Of Redberries and Squirrels

"Now behave, kids," the woodcutter admonished half-heartedly, "or I won't let you come with me to work again." His second eldest daughter, Greta, wondered just why her father was taking them to work in the first place. Surely 12 kids ricocheting around the place would just be a health and safety hazard? There was something odd going on. But, as her father had often told her, she wasn't to think to hard or she'd never get a husband. On the other hand, she liked to think and didn't particularly want a husband anyway. Not if her father's fine example was anything to go by. She absent-mindedly snatched the sprig of poisonous redberries out of Judel's hand, before he managed to stick any in his mouth.

"Here we are, kids!" her father announced with forced cheer from the front of the procession.

The younger kids stared open mouthed at the looming mass of forbidding trees before them, and the older ones tried to pass it off as all part of the daily routine, even though none of them succeeded. Even Greta was amazed, and even little Alesis and Hundert forgot their eternal feud against one another to stop and stare at the forest in front of them. But it didn't last very long.

"Greta," whined Alesis, "why haven't we seen any squirrels yet? You said there'd be squirrels." Greta let out something that was very close to a sigh of impatience.

"I said that you might see squirrels. If you're quiet. Why don't you be very quiet for a while and maybe you'll see one." Privately, she considered that all sensible forest life within a mile's radius had fled. She glanced towards the figure at the front of the column and frowned. Perhaps it was time to drop some less subtle hints to her father about where they were actually going. And when they were going to stop. Before she throttled one of her younger siblings.

* * *

Despite getting no reviews on the last chapter, we will continue in hope... The chaptersshould get better.

Please review? Pretty please? Even if you hate it.

-Bittermoon-


	3. Bad parenting

Chapter three is finally here...slightly longer, as requested. Hopefully the chapters will continue getting longer. And better. Lots and lots of thanks to Gnomie022 and Mistress Dawnstar for reviewing:-)

-Bittermoon-

* * *

Three hours later, and Greta decided that Subtle Hints weren't working, and she should try for the more direct approach. This involved pointing out that it was well past noon, they hadn't had lunch yet, and he hadn't stopped once to try and fell a tree. 

Very unusual for a woodcutter indeed.

"Um, yeah" her father muttered, looking - of all things – slightly guilty. "Kids!" he bellowed. "We're stopping here for lunch!"

Fortunately Greta remembered to cover her ears in time, as her younger siblings erupted in shrieks of glee. Strange how they could drag their feet all morning and complain how tired they were, then leap into instant hyperactivity the moment someone called a halt.

The unruly rabble of children were soon sitting quietly - well, sitting patiently - well, sitting, except for little Pura, the baby of the family, who was at present trying to wander off in search of squirrels, but was somewhat hampered by the cord tied around her wrist. Greta kept a firm hold on the other end as she began to dish out the food.

She was in the middle of trying to quell an argument between Oscir and Hundert over who had gotten an unfair amount of the cheese - and was starting to consider doing it by banging both heads together sharply - as her father muttered that he'd be "back in a few minutes."

This sounded ominous, and alarm bells started gently swaying inside several of the older children's heads. However, these children were the ones actively involved in feeding the rest of the pack, so they couldn't stop and ask their father important little questions like:  
where are you going?  
how long will you be?  
will you be coming back?

Eventually, Greta flopped exhausted on to the closest tussock she could find, a crusty roll of bread clutched in a death-grip in one hand. She caught the eye of Damon, exchanging a rueful glance that said 'Why do we do this?'. Of course, they both knew that one day these little terrors would grow up into sensible, thoughtful, mature, responsible adults, whom they would be happy to call their siblings. One day... so very, very, far away... With a sigh, she turned back to her mid-afternoon "lunch". She wondered idly where her father had gotten to this time.

About three hours later, her speculations were a lot less idle (and rather more vituperative).

In the end, the only way to make sure that nobody became hopelessly lost in the forest was to physically tie all the younger kids down. Greta, Bronwyn, Damon and Markel tied all the young kids together by one ankle, while still giving them room to move around the clearing. Since they would never be able to agree on a direction to head in, they were effectively rooted to the spot. This was also backed up by the fact that the rope was then tied around a very large tree. The kids of intermediate age just had to promise not to wander off. Then, the four oldest considered what to do next.

"Well," said Bronwyn, "doesn't anyone remember the way home?" She gave Damon a pointed glance, to subtly remind him that he had spent a large part of the outward trip trying to mentally compose bad poetry about the beauty of trees. Unfortunately, he was looking in another direction, and so a perfectly good glare was wasted. Greta hurried to intercede.

"It's perhaps a bit too late in the day for that. Remember how long it took us to get here? It'll be full dark by the time we're halfway home." The others glanced almost instinctively around at the reddening clouds, and the shadows starting to gather in the tangled trees around them, and shuddered. Markel muttered something under his breath about wolves, and Bronwyn clapped a hand to her mouth just a moment too late to stop a squeak of fright from escaping. Her face had suddenly turned white.

Fortunately, none of the younger kids had noticed, although Carse did come and cuddle up against Bronwyn, as was her habit when she got tired. Looking around, Greta noticed that most of the younger kids had curled up on soft spots on the ground. The middle kids were valiantly trying to stay awake, if only so they didn't miss anything exciting. However, most of them were losing the battle.

"We need to find shelter for the night," said Markel, prompting them from their dreamy contemplation.

"Here seems a good enough spot as any," countered Damon.

The final say, however, was had by the girls. I say we head for those caves we passed on the way here. You know, the ones over by that cliff," Bronwyn waved her hand off in the general direction.

"I agree," said Greta." It's closer than home, and we'll be sheltered. It's only half an hour at most."


End file.
